So far I havent talked much about my son - the middlest! He is 8 and has Aspergers, ADHD, anxiety, hyper-mobility and a few other things which are under investigation. The last 18 months have been extremely hard and he now has a Statement of Need and gets 15 hours a week 1:1 in a mainstream school.
On monday we finally have a long-awaited CAMHS appointment and are seeing his Psychiatrist and mental health nurse together. This meeting has come about due to Charlie's 'behaviour' worsening - for want of a better word.
He doesnt, I think, display enough of the symptoms of ADHD, although he is on drugs for this. So i want to present the evidence and see what they say! However he does (when not on an anti-psychotic drug), display a worrying number of symptoms for Paediatric Bipolar Disorder (PBD) - all but one!
Now the problem is, PBD is not really recognised over here in the UK and his Drs dont really want to discuss it. So far they have attributed everything to Aspergers. They might be right, I hope they are, but Im not willing to ignore the fact that it is a possibility. He biological father has it, so the chances are higher. After a particularly bad time (when we trialled stopping his anti-psychotics last autumn) they finally listened to me and agreed to discuss it at the meeting on monday - we've waited 6 months for it!
Over the last 6 weeks the middlest has not been himself. He has a list of physical symptoms, including extreme tiredness, pale skin, dark eyes, loss of appetite, irregular bowel movements, zoning out, confusion, difficulty co-ordinating his arms and legs at times...the list goes on. And we are worried! The school have noticed, his swimming instructor has and we have been to his GP, who was also concerned. All blood tests and GP tests have so far come back clear and we are not waiting for 4 weeks to see if he improves. Im also hoping CAMHS might be able to shed some light on what is happening - whether it could be a mental thing or a reaction to his drugs.
However, in order to be fully prepared I sent a short questionnaire into his school, asking if his Teaching Assistants could spend a few minutes ticking symptoms he was showing in school and commenting where they felt they had something to add. No big deal I thought...I was wrong!
The Headteacher at his school is my old boss - Ive known her for 14 years and in that time we had a few disagreements, but overall got on ok. However she is extremely manipulative in everything she does. Not a word comes from her mouth without an agenda. There were occasions she made my life hell, but when she got the job at my children's school I thought it could be a good thing. And I was certainly not going to bring up old disagreements. Over the last 2 years it has been fine, even had some advantages...until this week.
Two weeks ago she contacted me and said that she thought a meeting to complete the questionnaire would be easier, that way everyone involved could be there and I could ask whatever I felt was needed. This seemed fine and I happily agreed, although i was surprised as his teacher and TAs had all contacted me and said they were very happy to fill in the questionnaire.
Then this week, as my husband and I were about to go and see the teachers for parents evening, she said that that some of the teachers had been to see her and were 'unhappy with filling in the form as they felt I might use it to try and get a diagnosis' for my son. But that she had 'reassured them that I was a former experienced SENCo and I would never do that.' Whilst I nodded and assured her that was never my thought and walked away I was left with a strange feeling. It reminded me of times past at work, where she would say something, without ever actually saying it. But initially I couldnt quite work out why I felt that way.
It wasnt until I got home, I realised she had just warned me off. She had very subtly told me not to try and get the school to diagnose my son. And that they definitely would not give me any written evidence. The more I thought about it, the crosser I became, as I realised what she had done.
Yesterday morning the middlest decided he did not want to go to school. He hid, he begged, he clung to the door frame and in the end I had to drag him the entire way. Yesterday was different - it was wear red for Comic Relief day - he doesn't cope well with change. As is typical he was initially really excited and happy, but a last minute panic happened - as it often does. Once I'd finally handed him over to his sympathetic TA, I saw his Headteacher standing at the gates. As I walked past I said he had been really hard work and she snappily replied 'just put his different clothes in a bag and then he can change at school if he wants to and if he doesn't its our problem to deal with, not yours.' Now this could easily been seen as a sensible suggestion, but there was a dismissive tone to it, one which said, you're making a fuss about nothing, he just needs handling correctly. I'd heard this tone many times when she felt I hadnt done something well enough at work. It was unmistakable. I wish it was so simple that I could just do that! It certainly highlighted her ignorance in how to handle my son. Yet, I smiled and agreed with her, even said it was a good idea. I went straight back into work mode, where you dont disagree with the boss, unless you want your life turned into hell.
For the rest of the morning I felt unhappy about what had been said, and I was determined to find out more! So when I went to collect middlest at lunchtime for his afternoon at home school I spoke to his TA. I said what the Headteacher had said about filling in the questionnaire and expressed my concern. She told me that none of them had said anything like that. That it was the Headteacher who had told them none of them were allowed to fill it in and that she was going to be at the meeting. She said she didn't understand what was the matter with her or why she was behaving like this.
So, there it was, my proof, that I am in fact not going mad, the Head did lie and blame it on the people I have come to know and trust. But there is nothing I can do without landing the lovely TA in trouble - and I'm not willing to do that. However, the meeting with the school is on monday and at this my husband and I are planning on questioning (in front of the Head) why everyone was so worried they went to her, especially after telling me they were happy to complete it. And that there now feels like there is an element of distrust between us and the school. That they seem to be implying that we are trying to push for a diagnosis for our son, when in fact all we ever wanted to do was just get a list of symptoms he displays at school which we can take to CAMHS and ask what it might mean.
This woman (the Head) has bullied me and many other over the years. Her devious ways have reduced many people to tears or even leaving teaching altogether. I put up with it then because I had no choice. Luckily I no longer work for her and finally I do not have to accept what she does. I never spoke out before against her, but this time, for my son I fully intend to confront her at this meeting and find out what she is trying to do. As they say, hell have no fury like a woman scorned, especially a mother!
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