D-Day!

Today was D Day!
This morning we met with the middlest's school.  After all of the grief and veiled threats the Headteacher and SENCo weren't even there.  To say we were annoyed is an understatement.  We passed on our concerns about what the Headteacher had said - lied about - and the other teacher and teaching assistants were visibly shocked and had obviously never said anything about not wanting to complete our forms.

 The meeting was quite hard to sit through as they focused on the bad things middlest does.  They have real concerns about him too and his behaviour has changed a great deal recently - with increasing refusal and some defiance about completing the work he is given.  They agreed about not believing he has ADHD and were able to agree with many features of Paediatric Bipolar.  We left feeling very glad we had met and even more grateful for everything they do for him.

  Middlest was then sent home 'ill' at lunchtime - another feature of the ongoing worries we have about him not being 'right' currently.  After a lay down and some medicine he was much improved and ready for the meeting at CAMHS.

  His Dr is amazing!  I always write a report of how things have gone and highlight questions or concerns we have - it helps me keep a clear mind as otherwise I would forget what I wanted to say.  His Dr read through this and addressed every issue carefully.

Paediatric Bipolar was not ruled in or out.  He is displaying some of the symptoms, but at his age it is hard to be certain.  If he did have it, the anti-psychotics he already takes would be prescribed, so not much would change.  We will continue to monitor him as he becomes an adolescent.

We are to take him off of his ADHD drugs immediately in case they are causing some of his physical and mental problems.  If this doesn't help we will increase and maybe change his anti-psychotic drug as he will remain on this long term now.

 If this still makes no difference he will be referred to a Paediatrician for further physical tests.  He is also going to have therapy to try and help him over come his fear of insects and bees as it has such an impact on his life.

His Doctor was most concerned about his depression and increased anxiety - which don't seem to have a reason for increasing.   Possibly it is because he now spends more time at school and is finding it hard to cope with - it's hard to say.  Apparently a lot of ASD kids stop making progress as school becomes harder and concepts more abstract.  I can't bear the thought of this, so Im hoping middlest will be different - he has such potential.

 It was a great meeting and I'm glad we have a plan - I always need a plan!  However, once we were home and dinner was cooked and the kids were settled, I cried and cried and cried.  It was just another day to highlight how hard things are for middlest and suddenly I was overwhelmed by how hard his life is.  It was more grieving for the life he could have had if he didn't have these problems.  He's a clever, funny boy and he could be top of his class and popular and happy.  Everything felt so unfair and my heart broke a little bit more for him.

Of course tomorrow we will get on with things, try different drugs and strategies, but tonight I need to be sad.  Although I love him so fiercely, I miss the child he could have been and I worry about his future so much.  Today just reinforced that it wont ever be easy for him, and we are still at the very beginning of a lifetime of battles.